Infidelity is no laughing matter, unless the person you’re cheating with has to lock himself in a closet, because your boyfriend came home unexpectedly early. Miles, who tweets under the name brad pitt adopted me, was, in his own words, “over this girl’s crib in Madison and her man here.” So, in typical sitcom fashion, he hid in what looks like a bedroom closet, surrounded by dresses, while “this girl” tried to distract “her man.” But don’t worry about Miles, “I got a charger and her wifi I’m coolin.” He live-tweeted the whole thing.
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732051579180875776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
An update came 16 minutes later, when Miles tweeted, “Update: she asked me what I wanted to eat but for now she brought me a Capri Sun.” Marry this girl.
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732055546585595904
Drinking Capri Sun in the dark while wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt? Really takes me back to high school (or maybe that scene from American Pie 2 where Jim, Stifler, and Finch spy on two women from a closet). Eventually, “this girl” and her man left, so Miles decided to stop living an R. Kelly song and leave.
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732057000629014528
But first…
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732058145766424576
A person can’t live on Capri Sun alone. I think Miles could have a second career as the Popeye’s Burglar. He sneaks into people’s houses in the middle of the night, stealing their bags of leftover Popeye’s chicken. What a monster.
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732068730675564544
“I ate your Popeyes……” That’s the opposite of a sext.
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732073432414818304
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732076282641559552
https://twitter.com/mileskwhitmore/status/732083656173469696
Hooking up with someone? Good. Stealing her Popeye’s and leaving in the middle of the night without getting caught? Great.
(Via Twitter)