CNN Would Like The Internet To Convince Some Random Idiot In Hawaii That He Should Vote

So CNN has launched a Tumblr, the stated mission of which is “to bring change to places and issues that need it most.” It’s first task: “bumping Hawaii off the bottom of the United States voter turnout list.”

Well that’s a noble effort. I mean, you’d think that Hawaiians wouldn’t need much prompting, what with a Hawaii native — OR SO HE CLAIMS!!! — running for president and all, but whatever, good on you, CNN. So how are you guys going about doing this?

Did you know Hawaii has the lowest voter turnout rate in the United States? You can help us change that – starting with one person, Paul Hewlett. Convince him to vote! Send him a message on YouTube or Twitter with the hashtag #CTL1 and we’ll be sure the messages gets to him. ”I’ve never voted in my life,” Hewlett told me when I met him on a beach in Hawaii. “I don’t think my one vote is going to make any difference.” You could convince him otherwise. This project is part of CNN’s Change the List. Our goal is to boost Hawaii off the bottom of the voter turnout ranking. Thanks so much!

Um, no. NO.

Okay, so this may be the most impossibly stupid slice of “social media engagement” mankind had ever seen, and that’s saying a lot. The guy’s never voted in his life and he’s now asking us to convince him to do so via Twitter hashtag? F*CK THIS GUY. If Paul Hewlett has gone his entire life without ever bothering to leave the surf for a half hour to vote, why the hell should anyone want him to vote? He’s obviously misinformed and will probably just end up voting for Lyndon LaRouche. Rather than enabling him and his kind, we as a nation should be sterilizing him and his kind.

Hey CNN — HOW ABOUT JUST COVERING THE FREAKING NEWS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?!?! You know, stuff voters might need to know, like this…

(Thanks for the tip, Lindsay.)