Things I Learned Attempting To Ironically Cover The 'Twilight' Panel At Comic-Con

The Comic-Con panel coverage of shows and films in the UPROXX wheelhouse doesn’t get cranking until this afternoon with FX, so this morning I had the brilliant idea of attending the Twilight panel and submitting myself to the possibility of turning into a glittery vampire in order to provide tongue-in-cheek coverage of shrieking females and Taylor Lautner’s abs for all to enjoy.

I showed up at 9AM PST and was greeted by the thousands of swarming and ravenous fans you see above. Here are five things a first-timer learned:

1) If you want to get within a hundred yard radius of Robert Pattinson you have to get there super early. Like two days early.

2) A press pass in no way gives you any sort of line-cutting privileges as I’d assumed it would based on film portrayals of people with press passes. *shakes fist at Hollywood*

3) Lots of dudes attend the Twilight panel. Not just spineless husbands and boyfriends, but packs of dudes who seemingly spent the night in line. For the sake of my gender I like to assume this is the Comic-Con version of wedding crashing.

4) Twi-hard accessories aren’t quite as Twi-hard as I’d hoped. Serious dearth of sparkly shirts and beach towels and limbs of ex-boyfriends.

5) The ladies above will cut your f’n balls off if you delay their entrance even a millisecond by not clearing the walkway fast enough. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

This represents the end of our Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 coverage on