Being a teenager earns you the right, nay, the responsibility, to act like an idiot. Want to bong Dew in the post-office parking lot? Bong Dew in the post-office parking lot. Take your senior photos at Taco Bell? Take your senior photos at Taco Bell. Turn your living room into a swimming pool? Turn your living room into a swimming pool. As long as you’re not doing anything illegal, who cares? And sometimes even when you’re caught breaking the law, Judas Priest-style (teens are still super into 1980s metal, right?), cops will look the other way. Just make sure what you’re doing is hilarious.
A Reddit user recently asked, “Police officers of Reddit, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve caught teenagers or kids doing that is illegal, but you found hilarious?” The answers did not disappoint.
My brother was a cop who worked nights in Minneapolis. One snowy night near the UofM campus he noticed a car weaving, so he pulled them over thinking there would be alcohol involved. Nope it was a car full of deaf people having an argument which included the driver…..he just told the driver to not sign and drive.
Dispatcher: “Reports of a teenager riding a skateboard naked down Westway.”
Cop: “Is the suspect carrying a suspicious package?”
I had a cop search my backpack once and found a couple of beers and a box of condoms. I was with my freinds at the time so he was like “Why are there three beers, a box of condoms and two dudes?” I was speechless.
We got a call about kids (probably 11-12 years old) jumping across back yards. They were looking for things to steal I guess. We searched for them for about 15 minutes. Just as I was starting to get bored with it, I hear laughing coming from a drain pipe. It’s aout 4ft tall. My mate and I decide to head in. About 30m down the tunnel I come see this kid bent over on all fours, pants down around his ankles. His mate is bent over, sitting on his back spreading the first kid’s butt cheeks. There is a 3rd kid kneeling next to the first kids butt holding a lighter. They were in the midst of doing blue angels (lighting farts) in a dark tunnel… I had no f*cking clue what to say.
While in college we got the police called on us for a violent crime in progress. When they pounded on our door we opened and they barged in. The neighbor reported hearing people yelling things like, ‘Shut up you little c*nt I’m going to rape your f*cking twelve year old ass!’ Along with a girl screaming profanity. When the cops saw it was three guys and a girl drinking and playing Halo the one just looks at the others in sheer disbelief. The cop starts to tell us they were called in for a rape in progress and tell us how we need to be more careful and whatnot because it could have ended badly. During this time my friend is still on the headset and the other guys we were playing with are wondering what the hell is going on and are hassling him…and then my friend says with the cop in the room, ‘We were apparently raping you f*ckers so badly somebody had to call the cops.’ And the cops just can’t hold it in and start cracking up. They did give us a noise warning but no citations.
So one of my friends is in a frat. They were having a party, and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Awesome, I know. Anyways, the cops show up, and the party is on the third floor.
Capt. Sparrow looks at them when they come in, throws open the window and yells, “Gentlemen, you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.” And jumped out the window. Broke both legs, still got his Minor In Possesion.
My brother was once jumping his bike off the end of the public boat dock behind the city hall which also housed our police station, they had it tethered so it wouldn’t get lost on the bottom. A cop came out, watched for a while and said, “I’m fairly certain something about that is illegal, but I can’t figure out what and it looks like fun, so be safe” and walked back inside.
[My dad] gets a call one night about some teenagers vandalizing a park. Dispatch lets him know that it’s a lady that calls 24/7 thinking she’s the neighborhood watch. So as he cruises in towards this park he comes in all lights blacked out and watches from a distance. After a couple minutes of watching he realizes these people are playing hide and seek. They also look a little older than just teenagers. He gets out of a car and sneaks up to some of them hiding in a group behind some trees and bushes. My dad hunkers down behind them and one of them looks back and sees him. The kid freaks out and starts to run and my dad grab’s him and says “Dude shut up or the other team will find us!” The guys crack up cause now they realize my dad is down to win this game. He ends up playing hide and seek with this group of 21-year-olds for the next hour.
I was called to a residence where the (f)complainant stated that a child from down the street had brought an item to their house and that she was at a loss.
Upon arrival I made contact with complainant and she relayed this story. “I was washing dishes and I looked out the window where all the girls (neighborhood girls between 6-9 yrs old) were playing on the trampoline. They were using a large rubber penis shaped device to hit each other. I ran out and grabbed it and turned it off”
The kids had no clue what it was and in their defense it was purple with sparkles and other inlays. Kinda pretty if not for the fact it was a 10″ rubber dildo.
Well I secured the item in an evidence bag and no crime having been committed I made a command decision to return it to the owner. I took it and rolled it up in said evidence bag in such a way it would unroll when held by the top. I then knocked on the dildo-owners door and when she answered I snapped it down. Using by most curt cop voice I said. “Ma’am your daughter secured your personal item and was accosting your neighbors children with it about the face and neck. At this time your neighbor does not wish to pursue charges, however I will need you to sign this evidence form (it was very detailed description) so I can return your personal item.”
I have never seen someone show so much embarrassment and humiliation as that lady did. She could not even speak or look at me. The best part was this other lady that was deeper in the residence that kept insisting on knowing what was going on.
It’s hard to beat that one (pun intended?). Check out the rest here.