Last month on the Fail-Log, we had…well…we had way, way too much TMI. We guess you can’t recruit more than half a billion people onto a website without getting at least a few outrageous people, but wow.
Needless to say, nobody discovered their modesty last month, although a lot of people forgot, well, everything. For example…
Ah, yes, the accidental browser window post, often a mainstay of Internet comedy. Here’s what we’re wondering: how was this left up so long anybody got a screenshot of it?
We’ve determined two rules for Facebook usage: women should never fish for compliments on it, because they will inevitably be complimented on their breasts, and men should never post lyrics gloating about their penis size, as they will inevitably be cut down to a stub by a “friend”. Lesson learned.
Somebody needs to hire this person to troll Facebook and mock every teenager whining about their schoolwork. Parents would probably pay for it. In fact, I’m going to patent it right now so Zuckerberg can’t steal it.
We’d be a lot more concerned with how this person attempts sexual intercourse. Not as concerned, though, as if this person has actually HAD sexual intercourse, because whoever the victim was, we imagine explaining it to the urologist took a while.
The only person who deserves to burn in social networking hell (constant Farmville updates on their wall from their parents, in case you were wondering) more than a person who posts a vague Facebook status is a person who posts a vague Twitter update that gets pushed to Facebook. Especially if it involves hashtags.
Before you ask, no, they have not created a microwave oven that posts to Facebook: it’s just a gag widget. That said, considering TVs do it, we won’t be surprised if this actually starts happening in less than a year.
Note to the amateur astronomer there: next time someone asks you this question, just reply “42”. It’ll instantly make you popular on the Internet. Yes, I know you don’t get the reference. Just roll with it.
You know, we’re just saying, even on smartphones, there is actually a function that lets you delete embarrassing comments, you know, like the sext you accidentally sent your friends. It’s that big X that magically appears next to your comment. We call it the “shame remover”. You should try it!
We applaud any attempt to revive the sadly neglected “Doug” on TV, but we also have to wonder why, precisely, Patty here thought everyone would get the reference, instead of wondering why she thinks she’s a pale, bland spreadable version of lard. Or, for that matter, if she was aware of the Urban Dictionary definition…
That’s…that’s just great. Here’s a T-shirt for you.
You know, we always wonder what, precisely, gangsta rappers feel when they play a show somewhere in the Midwest, and come on stage only to see an entire ocean of white kids in FUBU gear from 2007. Or just, you know, any Black person when confronted with a whiteboy like this. We imagine his dad there is not far off the mark.
You know, somehow, we don’t think he knows Xhosa OR Afrikaans. Just a sneaking suspicion.
Actually, we think this boycott may be effective: if MTV realizes it’s begun to alienate even certain types of idiots, it might reverse course and show some programming anybody doesn’t feel incredible amounts of shame for watching.
And that was the day the fate of the world changed, as the video transfer guy at Costco took one look at what he was asked to do, quit on the spot, reenrolled in college, and went on to cure cancer. Thank you, pornography. You have indirectly saved the world yet again.
If she actually owns any Nickelback, she’s just not worth saving anymore. Let her find the mercy that her friends were apparently too awful to give her.
Now, now, to be fair, look at what the Texas educational system has to work with.
You know, next to the guy who got outed as a cheater by posting about blinding his girlfriend by giving her a facial, this really has to be our favorite “cheaters” status ever. We’d give anything to hear what lame excuse this guy cooked up.
Well, she is practicing what she’s preaching, we guess. At least insofar as she’s enthusiastically exercising her heterosexuality. Maybe she should try threesomes: that would be practicing what she preaches even more!
So, your problem here is that you and the father are both operating different Facebook profiles in your baby’s name? Actually, we think that it’s two people who are horrible enough to start a Facebook profile for their baby and annoy their friends with it bred and had a child in the first place, but since it’s too late to fix that, how about not using Facebook to fight a custody battle with your baby’s father? Think that’s a workable solution?
Look, all Chas was doing was correcting a douchey vague status with juicy details for the rest of us. Is that so wrong? Also, Chas, from the looks of things…you really lucked out. Good work.
That’s it for this month! Once again, thanks to Lamebook and Failbook for aggregating the latest in bizarre behavior. Remember to check your facts, and we’ll be back next month.
