Federal Employees Can Now Get Free Vibrators During This Government Shutdown

Lost in the monumental dick-measuring contest between this country’s two major political parties otherwise known as the “government shutdown” are hundreds of thousands of federal employees that are currently not working or earning money, because the wealthy people who we’ve elected to make the “tough decisions” are making screaming toddlers look like Buddhist monks. But as we saw last week, there are businesses throughout Washington DC and the country that are offering what little they can to make the lives of those wayward employees a little less difficult.

Whether free popcorn from AMC or daily BBQ sandwiches from Pork Barrel BBQ, these little offerings are just some companies’ ways of saying, “Thanks” to the people who are being treated like human door mats by our country’s leaders. And now, in perhaps the most generous offer to date, government employees can get free vibrators from vibrators.com. Excuse me… but I just can’t hold back the tears.

“We feel bad for the federal employees affected by the shutdown,” said a product specialist at Vibrators.com. “There is a lot of satisfaction in doing good work, without work to be done, that sense of accomplishment is lost. That must be stressful. We were discussing that our products relieve stress and create satisfaction. We decided to do a giveaway to help out.”

The offer requires no purchase and is offered to any federal employee who finds themselves with too much time and not enough to do. Vibrators.com will ship the item from their warehouse in Troy, Mich.

The vibrator itself is nice, if not unassuming: A small, pink model with the Vibrators.com logo printed on the side. It is a well-performing and quiet toy.

“We are very picky about what products we sell and ship. Compared to any other free gift, I think our free vibrator is a great item,” said Tom Nardone, president of PriveCo, Vibrators.com’s parent company. (Via AVN, H/T to HyperVocal)

You see, it’s not just about the gesture, as vibrators.com wants us to know it’s also about quality. It’s just good to know that in today’s America, some companies truly still care about the customer.