Ranking The Speeches From This Week’s ‘Game Of Thrones’

The latest episode of Game of Thrones, ‘Blood of My Blood,’ was all about the speeches. Where characters like Tyrion and Arya are masters of the witty quip and the sharp comeback, leaders like Daenerys Targaryen are much more suited to one-sided declarations of fire and blood. And this week’s episode showed off those skills as she rallied her Dothraki khalasar and prepared them to cross the Narrow Sea.

She wasn’t the only one giving inspiring or less than inspiring speeches, though. Several other characters got in on the action, with varying degrees of success. Let’s quote all the speeches from this episode of Game of Thrones and rank them from best to worst.

1. Daenerys Targaryen

“Every Khal who ever lived chose three blood riders to fight beside him and guard his way. But I am not a Khal. I will not choose three blood riders. I choose you all. I will ask more of you than any Khal has ever asked of his Khalasar. Will you ride the wooden horses across the black salt sea? Will you kill my enemies in their iron suits and tear down their stone houses? Will you give me the Seven Kingdoms, the gift Khal Drogo promised me, before the Mother of Mountains? Are you with me, now and always?”

Damn, Daenerys. After that speech, I’m ready to sail off to distant lands and conquer them for you. First, she just wows all the khalasars of the land by burning their former khals and emerging from their funeral pyre unscathed. Now she gives this fire speech live from the back of a dragon! Daenerys for president!

2. Randyll Tarly

“The Seven Kingdoms have waged war on these savages for centuries, yet here I sit, hosting one in my hall. Thanks to my son. See that sword? It’s called Heartsbane. It’s been in our family for 500 years. It’s Valyrian steel, only a handful of them left in the world. It’s supposed to go to my firstborn son after I die. He will never wield that sword. If he were to become Lord Tarly of Horn Hill, it would be the end of this house.”

Lord Randyll Tarly is an imposing man. It’s no surprise he convinced his son Samwell to join the Night’s Watch with another speech, basically promising to murder him unless he took the black. And now here he is again, showing off those stern orator’s skills and reminding Sam why leaving Gilly and her baby with him was a bad idea.

3. Margaery Tyrell

“It’s not an easy thing admitting to yourself what you really are. It’s taken me a while. I visited their hovels and I fed them soup and I made sure I was seen doing it. I never gave them what they really needed, though. I’ve had a lot of time to think about how good I was at seeming good. All those stories I told myself about who I was and why I did the things I did. There were so many lies in those stories.”

It’s hard to tell if Queen Margaery Tyrell has actually drank the High Sparrow’s Kool-Aid or if she’s pulling a fast one on both him and King Tommen to get out of Sparrow jail. Either way, those are some deep and thoughtful words from someone who’s spent the last couple of weeks sitting in a dank cell thinking about her life.

4. Walder Frey

“For three hundred years, we’ve kissed Tully boots, swore oaths to them and their stinking fish banners. Not again. Riverrun is ours, take it back. They’re laughing at us! All across the Riverlands, right down to King’s Landing, they’re laughing at us. I hear it in my sleep! I’m not dead yet, unfortunately for you. And I’ll not leave this world until they all choke on that laughter. Take that castle back.”

The words of Lord Walder Frey as he catches us back up on what’s going on in the Riverlands and compels his kids to take back the castle of Riverrun that they just lost. Pride is obviously what drives him — he had just wrestled control of the Riverlands from the Tullys, and the idea of losing it again not even a year later obviously bothers him a great deal. As someone willing to murder everyone at a wedding to win the Riverlands, you have to wonder what he’ll do to keep them.

5. Mace Tyrell

“Madness has overtaken this city and grasped in its claws my children! But now we must drive it back under the rocks whence it came. Madness has had its day!”

That’s Mace the Ace, Lord Tyrell, with some less than inspiring words leading up to his non-confrontation with the High Sparrow. Jaime’s face during this scene told you everything you need to know about this. Mace’s own troops didn’t even cheer at the end.

6. King Tommen

“The Crown and the Faith are the twin pillars upon which the world rests. Together, we will restore the Seven Kingdoms to glory!”

But the absolute worst speech has to go to King Tommen, who was trotted out by the High Sparrow to deliver two canned lines that barely deserve to be tacked on to a hastily prepared press release. By the Gods, Tommen is the worst. It would almost be worth it to have Joffrey back just so we wouldn’t have to witness Tommen’s wormlike spine wiggle around as everyone manipulates him.