When we last checked in on obnoxious famous person Gwyneth Paltrow, she was testing out jokes for her future stand-up comedy routine on Twitter. Has she somehow managed to escape the impenetrable bubble of lily-white upper class privilege she’s been so firmly ensconced in since then? Sadly, no. Has she learned to at least not come off as the human embodiment of the #1stworldproblems and #whitegirlproblems hashtags on steroids when she’s giving interviews? Absolutely not!
Case in point: The new interview Elle did with Paltrow that hit the web yesterday. Here’s Gwyneth on why she decided to launch Goop, her website/email newsletter.
“When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some… restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’ People know that I know that…It’s so much easier to sit home and not exercise and criticize other people. What I love is inspiring people. People come up to me and say, ‘I want to have two kids and wear a bathing suit and not feel terrible about myself. I see how hard you work and it makes me feel like I can do that too.’”
I’m beginning to think that Gwyneth is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix on us — living her public life as some sort of elaborate piece of performance art. She’s basically the living, celebrity version of Peanut Free Mom. A caricature in every way.
And if that weren’t enough, she hinted in the interview that my prediction that she’ll soon dip one of her precious toes into stand-up comedy next might actually have some weight to it.
“If you speak to my friends who’ve known me since I was four, they’ll say, ‘That is her.’ They always said to me, ‘You’re the dirtiest person in the world and so funny. Show the world that side of you.’”
God help us all.