Here’s Everything You Need To Know About The Two Types Of Female Orgasm

A scientific study just released from Discover seeks to solve the age-old scientific mystery (apparently this is an age-old scientific mystery) of whether or not there are two different types of female orgasm — and as Uproxx’s resident lady writer, I thought myself just the person to walk you through it.

The controversy stems from whether separate orgasms are achieved respectively from penetration and from clitoral stimulation. To get to the bottom of it, scientists used sonography to pinpoint visualize the movement of the clitorourethrovaginal (????) during both types of orgasm.

The ultrasounds were performed in three healthy volunteers with the General Electric® Voluson® sonography system (General Electric Healthcare, Vélizy, France), using a 12-MHz flat probe and a vaginal probe. We used functional sonography of the stimulated clitoris either during manual self-stimulation of the external clitoris or during vaginal penetration with a wet tampon.

Wait, seriously? So they asked the volunteers to get off with a wet tampon? I’m no scientist, but I feel like more accurate findings might be found if they sprung for some dildos. At any rate, their findings were that there are, indeed, two different kinds of female orgasm.

Despite a common assumption that there is only one type of female orgasm, we may infer, on the basis of our findings, that the different reported perceptions from these two types of stimulation can be explained by the different parts of the clitoris (external and internal) and CUV complex that are involved. Buisson O and Jannini EA. Pilot echographic study of the differences in clitoral involvement following clitoral or vaginal sexual stimulation.”

I don’t know if I buy this. I feel like the difference is like scratching an itch with your hand or with a backscratcher: Same result with a different or more satisfying way of getting there. And anyway, if we’re going to say there’s two different kinds of female orgasm now, why can’t there be three, four or five? Like the kind of orgasm that you get in your sleep from a sexy dream or from riding a bicycle or using that vertical knee raise machine at the gym. Nice try, science, but I don’t buy it.