Howard Stern’s Eulogy For Joan Rivers Was ‘So Wrong But So Right’

Senior Writer
09.08.14 35 Comments
Howard Stern at Joan Rivers funeral

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As expected, the funeral service for Joan Rivers was a star-studded affair, as the legendary comic had made a countless number of friends during her amazing life and career. Everyone from Kathy Griffin and Whoopi Goldberg to Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera were on hand to say their goodbyes to the woman who was admired for the way that she could make people laugh in almost any situation, no matter how serious or inappropriate. That of course left a difficult task of eulogizing her in a way that she would have loved, but if anyone was up for it, it was Howard Stern.

The radio host explained on his show today how Melissa Rivers called and asked him to give the eulogy at her mother’s funeral at Temple Emanu-El in New York City yesterday. At first, Stern said, he was very reluctant to accept, because he didn’t think that he was the right person for the job, according to ABC News.

“I had gotten a call from Melissa like a day and half before the service asking me if I would speak,” he said. “I said to her, ‘Melissa, you are asking the wrong guy.’ I said, ‘I’ll do it, I would do anything for Joan, I will do anything for you.'”

“[Melissa] said, ‘No, I want you to do it,'” he added. “It was a lot of pressure because I wanted to come through for Melissa and come through for Joan.”

“I didn’t want to say the wrong thing,” he said. “I was in touch with Louis C.K. and he said, ‘You know, Joan really deserves a great send off. He said something very profound. He said, ‘Joan was like an aunt or a best friend who could make everything better.’ Even in times after say 9/11 or the country just seems to be going down or things just seem to be bad, when she would crack a joke … you didn’t feel so alone.”

He added, “It just made you feel better knowing Joan Rivers was making a joke about it.” (Via ABC News)

As for the actual service, comedienne Margaret Cho was in attendance as well, and she wrote about Stern’s eulogy on her blog. Needless to say, it was classic Stern.

Her signature gardenia perfume mixed with the gargantuan arrangements of the heady white blooms and so her presence was heavy and uncompromised. This is how she wanted us to say good-bye to her, and everyone came early except Donald Trump, who was whisked to the front near the family, ginger hair exploding and obvious over all the yarmulkes.

In the morose silence Howard Stern said, “Joan Rivers had a dry pussy.”

At first, the words just hung there, as no one knew exactly what to do. Of course I started laughing hysterically, and everyone else, remembering who we were there to honor, followed suit. Howard Stern actually choked back tears as he continued – “Joan’s pussy was so dry it was like a sponge – so that when she got in the bathtub – whooooosh – all the water would get absorbed in there! Joan said that if Whitney Houston had as dry a pussy as Joan’s, she would still be alive today…”

It was so wrong but so right at the same time. So Joan. So great. RIP my friend.

Even in death, Joan Rivers is still busting other celebrities’ balls. That sounds about right.

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