Those darn Patriots deserve an asterisk!â€¦ This shredded wheat isn’t soggy enough yet!â€¦ Oh no, the tremors are back!â€¦ Why do all these kids today have walkie-talkies?â€¦ If my skin is brittle, it must be Tuesdayâ€¦ I wish they’d stop serving shrimp cocktail at my restaurant. We don’t know enough about the mysteries of the sea yet!â€¦ Where did I leave my shoes?â€¦ How come my grandchildren drink so much water? Kids today get far too much water!â€¦ When did colored folks get to ride in the front of the bus?â€¦ Why am I the only person in my neighborhood who still uses Ivory Soap Flakes?â€¦ Why can’t anyone remind me to buy a rubber mattress pad?!… They’re out of key lime pie at Publix!… No one appreciates the beauty of a well-played cribbage match nowadays!
These Cubans listen to too much joyful music!â€¦ Did I change my shirt this week?â€¦ Why doesn’t anyone use fingerbowls anymore?!â€¦ I don’t care for television nowadays. That Dan Fielding on “Night Court” is far too lascivious for my taste!â€¦ Why do college kids need to study the history of the Chinaman?â€¦ Why isn’t the T formation used more?â€¦ How do I program this darn VCR?!â€¦ Why can’t I find a decent sleeping cap at Nordstrom’s?!… The moon is God’s eye watching me at night!â€¦ Peter King is hilarious and insightful!â€¦ Sunscreen is a hoax!â€¦ I’m not paying for any two-ply toilet tissue! That’s overindulgent!â€¦ Why don’t they make men like Teddy Roosevelt anymore?!
I don’t trust those Russkies!
Everything in my house smells like old cornbread!â€¦ Kids today marry far too often for love!â€¦ Kids today can’t coach! I know because I have two of them!â€¦ I don’t trust computers ever since I saw that movie “Electric Dreams”. It could fall in love with my Mrs.!â€¦ We’re out of CrÃ¨me de Menthe, Delores!â€¦ Why is everything drooping?â€¦ Real men smoke!â€¦ Mattresses are for coddlers!â€¦ There’s a very elaborate puppet show going on in this black box marked Sony in my room!â€¦ Homosexuals are walking about freely now!â€¦ Fantasy football? That’s for slow kids and invalids!â€¦ How come no one likes horse racing anymore?â€¦ One day, the Philippines will be ours again!â€¦ It’s not a fridge. It’s an icebox, god dammit!â€¦ This butter comes in sticks!â€¦ Who’s this Spielberg character?â€¦
It too bright in here!!!!!!