The Inevitable Return of Schottenheimer Pt. 2

11.07.07 11 years ago 12 Comments

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post analyzing the NFL’s 32 head coaches.

NFC East

Fatty Arbuckle (Dal)- Every time Jason Garret walks by the head coach’s office he mentally measures for new curtains.
Tom Coughlin (NYG)- He could become the first coach to be unceremoniously fired after winning the Super Bowl…nah, they aren’t winning the Super Bowl.
Joe Gibbs (Was)- Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.
Andy “The Pin” Reid (Phi)- Roger Goodell will intervene to fire Reid on Philly’s behalf.

NFC North

Mike McCarthy (GB)- As long as he keeps Brett full of opiates it’s all good.
Rod Marinelli (Det)- You mean to tell me that Mike Martz isn’t the Lions coach?
Brad Childress (Min)- Staking his future on Chester Taylor.
Lovie Smith (Chi)- He took the Sex Cannon to the Super Bowl. Big time grace period.

NFC South

Jon Gruden (TB)- They tried to burn him in the fire place but he managed to escape.
John Fox (Car)- On the verge of becoming the biggest scapegoat since German Jews
Sean Payton (NO)- He could blow up the levee’s and still be untouchable.
Bobby Petrino (Atl)- Even Home Depot managers get more respect from their underlings. Mutiny is all but assured.

NFC West

Mike Holmgren (Sea)- They’re already collecting the necessary tonnage of smelt to buy out his contract.
Ken Whisenhunt (Ari)- Cushiest job in the NFL. Nobody expects too much and there’s no chance he’s getting fired before his contract expires.
Mike Nolan (SF)- They’re already stocking the fuhrerbunker with cyanide pills.
Scott Linehan (StL)- Injuries happen, and so does seppuku.

NFC Far East

Coming September 2012!

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