It says it right there in the marketing: Hot Pockets are “irresistibly hot.” Who among us can resist NOT having sex with one of them? Certainly not Thot Pocket, a.k.a. @VERSACEPOPTARTS, who became an Internet celebrity on the level of the bloody tampon sucker and the butt chugger(s) this week after he had sex with a Pop Tart box, and put the footage on Vine, then a Hot Pocket.
Brown Sugar Cinnamon is the Mila Kunis of the Pop Tart world, so good taste, bro. Anyway, Thot Pocket’s Twitter account has since been suspended, but First We Feast caught up with this modern-day Jason Biggs.
Take me through the actual experience of Hot Pocket penetration.
Ah shit, dude. I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot. I put it in the fridge for a little bit and I was like, “Dude, I’m gonna have to use a condom if I’m gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.” So I kinda like did the Vine—I wasn’t planning on starting to all this shit. I asked some kid if I should post, like, a shock picture, and he was like, “Yeah dude, do it, those are the best.” So I did the Hennessy thing, and then it just went to my head a little bit and I just did everything.
In case you were wondering, it was ham and cheese flavored. I was on board until now.
What do you do for work?
I’m a chef.
At what type of restaurant?
It’s a seafood place. I’m the grill guy. They do everything — it’s just sort of, like, a general restaurant — a lot of fried food though.
Have you ever violated any of the food at the restaurant?
[Laughs] No.
Never go to another seafood place, just to be safe. Read the rest of the interview here.