Please Allow Jenny McCarthy To Tell You About Donnie Wahlberg’s ‘Beautiful’ Penis

Jenny McCarthy appeared on last night’s Watch What Happens Live, and when a call-in viewer asked her how sex is now that she’s married to Donnie Wahlberg, McCarthy was fired up and ready to make with the TMI, as per usual. In fact, I would be surprised if this wasn’t a canned question just to give Jenny McCarthy an excuse to talk about Donnie Wahlberg’s penis. Now you’re all totally thinking about Donnie Wahlberg’s penis, aren’t you? Oh just you wait because it gets even better.

Without a doubt, it gets better every single time I make love to him. It is . . . It is . . . First of all, he has the most beautiful penis I’ve ever seen in my life.

I interrupt this transcript to show you what Donnie Wahlberg looks like when being told that he has a beautiful penis on television:

Moving on. At that point America’s Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron — who was also a guest on the show — asked Jenny McCarthy to elaborate on what makes Donnie Wahlberg’s penis the most special of penises she has ever laid eyes on.

Sometimes they’re deformed-looking and sometimes they’re a different color that you’re not used to. Some are like, purple, some are pink. The size is perfect — like, I can’t get too descriptive, you know what I mean? Like, it fits my vagina perfectly, it hits the spots right. But the thing about this, let me answer the question because I know the girls want to know this, he makes love to a woman.

Who the f*ck was Jenny McCarthy dating before she got with Donny Wahlberg, half the cast of the Teletubbies? I’m not going to transcribe the entire interview, which you can view below, but McCarthy later tells the charming story about how she and Wahlberg got together and how she wanted to “sit on his face” when she found out he was single. Jenny McCarthy, ladies and gentlemen. The batsh*t insane gift that keeps on giving.

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UPDATE: Now with Vine action, thanks to our own Andy Isaac: