As with any huge, scorching, unbelievable news story of the week, there’s a segment of the population that simply cannot wait until Jon Stewart weighs in on The Daily Show. Whether for a good laugh about the absurdity of that story or because he provides a voice of reason in a time of unreasonable behavior, people simply need Stewart’s opinion. But the fibs and misremembering of NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams are something entirely different, because this is Stewart’s friend and peer, and a typically lovable TV personality who can deliver the news one night and show up on 30 Rock the next, talking trash to Avery Jessup in the bullpen for The Hot Box.
Would Stewart skewer his friend for lying about his memories of a helicopter ride in Iraq, among other alleged fabrications, or would he throw his body in front of his ally as the media’s sharks swarm this delicious, meaty piece of chum?
“Bri… why? Why Bri? Why Bri lie? Sigh. Were you Bri high? Because if they keep finding sh*t, Bri bye.”
If that had been all, people would probably be throwing thought grenades at Stewart today, but then Stewart turned up the heat, explained Williams’ evolving lie from 2003, and even pointed out how you can always tell when a news anchor is lying out of his butthole. Finally, Stewart laid it out for all of his fans who take their news with familiar analogies:
“With most cases of masturbation, being caught is typically punishment enough. Self-love can be a bad habit. You probably shouldn’t do it at your work desk.”
And then it was on to the cable news sharks, swimming around a helpless Williams as if his artery had been sliced in wide open waters, before Stewart did what he does best in pointing out the irony of one story compared to the big picture: “Finally, someone is being held to account for misleading America about the Iraq War.” But that’s not even the best part. That honor, as always, goes to something involving Megyn Kelly, so watch for yourself…