Katy Perry Isn’t Dating Robert Pattinson Because She Farts In Front Of Him

Katy Perry is the cover model for the September issue of ELLE UK, which hit stands last week, but because there’s a little difference in the time zones or whatever, I’m a little late on this story. Still, if an A-list celebrity is going to clear the record once and for all about the possibility that she ruined a friend’s relationship, I’m not going to ignore it. Especially if it involves flatulence.

While most people know (and probably don’t care) that Perry is dating John Mayer again, there was a brief rumor that she had jumped all over Twilight star Robert Pattinson right after he finally kicked Kristen Stewart to the curb for cheating on him with her Snow White and the Huntsman director. Perry claims that she would never do that, though, and her proof positive is the fact that she lets it rip in front of R-Patz.

“Okay, so here’s the proof there was never anything going on with me and Robert Pattinson,” Perry reportedly told Elle U.K. (via Us). “I fart in front of him. Properly fart. And I never, ever fart in front of a man I am dating. That’s a rule.”

“He’s my bud, I’m like his big sister,” Perry said of R.Pattz. “We just hang out. The other day, I said, ‘One of the things I’m most proud of is not sleeping with you, Robert.’ And that’s true.”

The 28-year-old singer dished, “I sent her a text message saying, ‘I know you’ve seen all this stuff, but you know I would never disrespect you. I’m not that person. I’m just trying to be a friend to him but it is unfortunate that I do have a set of tits.”‘ (Via E!)

What? She does? I was completely unaware of that.

Anyway, I totally understand Perry’s point on this. Just the other day, I was hanging out with my good friend, Kate Upton, and I was like, “Hey best buddy, I’m really glad that we don’t have sex” and she responded, “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, GET OUT OF MY HOME!” Haha, that Kate, such a kidder.

(GIF via FY Springfield)