Kim Jong-Un’s Executed Girlfriend’s Sex Tape Is Pretty Hot, You Guys

Earlier this week, we told you about the sad tale of singer Hyon Song-wol, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s ex-girlfriend who was executed because she allegedly made a sex tape with her Unhasu Orchestra and Wangjaesan Light Music Band mates. They’re like the Beatles of North Korea, except instead of coming through the bathroom window, they crawled through back alleys at night, scrounging for scraps. North Korea is an awful place.

Anyway, a user on China’s video-sharing website YouKu recently uploaded a video of three women, including Song-wol, dancing to Elvis Presley’s “Aloha Oe” in rhinestone outfits, claiming this was the “sex tape” that set Kim Jong-un off. It doesn’t take much for Jong to go from only-sort-of-murderous to genocidal — a bunny twitching its nose too quickly could lead to the death of all creatures, furry and small, if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed made out of beautiful women — which is why I’m fully on board with this so-called “sex tape” looking like a performance from The Lawrence Welk Show. We’re talking about North Korea, after all.