Wait, that headline sounds off. Ah well, no time to change it now.
We’ll always remember this week as the one when NFL players were forced to stay away from fireworks forever after Jason Pierre-Paul and C.J. Wilson blew off finger(s) celebrating the Fourth of July. JPP’s condition is still not entirely clear at this point, and we didn’t even know he had a finger amputated until NFL insider/ambulance chaser Adam Schefter posted his likely illegally leaked medical charts from the hospital. The hospital is searching for the person who leaked the documents and they should be punished. Of course, since Schefter isn’t subject to HIPAA laws, he’ll likely skate without so much as a reprimand from his bosses.
Other notable stories of the week:
— Ken Stabler passed away after a battle with colon cancer. The Snake retired two years after I was born, so I don’t have any memories of him playing that don’t come from carefully packaged NFL Films footage, so I’m probably not the person you want to see memorialize him. Some good tributes can be found elsewhere, for instance here or here.
It does please me that Jake The Snake weighed in today as well.
With passing of KENNY STABLER I feel another empty space in my soul. He was original snake and outlaw who walked his own way. R.I.P. man!!!
— JakeSnakeDDT (@JakeSnakeDDT) July 10, 2015
— The Redskins lost the first in what is bound to be several court cases relating to their cancelled federal trademark for their name. There’s one more appellate court to go before the case would go to the Supreme Court. Not that I want litigation to stretch out that long, though potentially seeing Antonin Scalia and Dan Snyder super angry on the same day is a tantalizing prospect.
— Russell Wilson told a pastor that God reached out to him about leading Ciara to abstinence. Hey, Russ, I don’t need God to make my bad decisions for me. I can do that all my own.
— It took Zach Mettenberger almost seven months to finally call out J.J. Watt for being a dick about selfies. J.J. Watt responded by being a dick about criticism and calling himself a lion.
— In non-football related foolishness, Spilly uncovered the disturbing existence of Jared Fogle fans. I would have been unnerved by this even before the child porn investigation. I never would have guessed.