A Lady Annoyed With Her Neighbor’s Kids Sent Them An Anonymous Note Saying She Wanted To Eat Them

A woman from Minnesota was arrested last week after admitting to police that she sent an anonymous note to her neighbors telling them that their children “looked delicious” and asking if she could have a taste. Contrary to the content of the note, 38-year-old Carrie Pernula — who is now facing possible charges of gross misdemeanor terroristic threats and stalking — did not actually want to taste her neighbor’s children, rather she wanted them off her damn lawn.

Presumably, Pernula thought that if she terrified the parents enough, they would keep their kids indoors and she would finally have some peace and quiet. And terrify them she did! The family quickly posted the note to a local community Facebook page and got other residents worked into a frenzy.

At that point, Pernula should have quit while she was ahead, but, unfortunately, she is not exactly a criminal mastermind.

Then, the family began to received magazine subscriptions. “Instead of a name on the address label, it said things like ‘tasty children’ along those lines,” Champlin Deputy Police Chief Ty Schmidt said.

Champlin police traced the magazines and last Friday arrested Carrie Pernula. Police say she admitted to the threats.

Look, I get it. I, too, have reached the “Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace” stage in life where I get annoyed when kids on my block mess with my flowers. But threatening to eat someone’s babies should always be the absolute last resort in a dispute, and likewise only employed if you actually are Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

(CBS Minnesota via Gawker)