Lena Dunham Sarcastically Responds To A Magazine’s ‘Diet Tips’ With Some Of Her Own

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Lena Dunham has recently lost weight, not because she, as the Girls creator put it on Instagram, has “finally given in to the voices of trolls,” but because she has endometriosis, and a healthy diet and exercise eases the pain. “My body belongs to ME,” she wrote, “at every phase, in every iteration, and whatever I’m doing with it, I’m not handing in my feminist card to anyone.” Especially to supermarket tabloid magazines like Us Weekly, which recently featured a photo of Dunham on the cover with the caption, “How She Gets Motivated.”

Dunham — who was rushed from the Met Gala to the hospital last week due to complications from her endometriosis surgery in April — fired back at the magazine with 20 deeply sarcastic “slimdown diet tips” of her own.

1. anxiety disorder *
2. resultant constant nausea
3. an election that reveals the true depths of American misogyny
4. constant sweaty dreams of dystopian future
5. abdominal adhesions pinning ovary below uterus *
6. baseless but still harrowing threats to physical safety online and through smail mail
7. watching institutions you love from Planned Parenthood to PBS be threatened by cartoon mustache-twirling villains
8. finally realizing superheroes aren’t real (specifically the X-Factor, really thought they’d handle this)
9. marching your ass off
10. a quiet rage that replaces need for food with need for revenge
11. sleeping 19 hours a day
12. realizing that even the liberal media wants dem clicks no matter whut
13. worrying ceaselessly about the health and safety of women you know and women you don’t
14. realizing who ya real friends are
15. having to switch from Uber to Lyft (lots of calories burned trying to understand a new app, then even more trying to understand if the conflict was resolved)
16. bladder spasms, urinary frequency and urgency *
17. having your phone number leaked and violent images texted to your phone by randos under names like
18. keeping your back arched against the wind
19. um, who the fuck cares?
20. I have no tips I give no tips I don’t want to be on this cover cuz it’s diametrically opposed to everything I’ve fought my whole career for and it’s not a compliment to me because it’s not an achievement thanx

* Star indicates a pre-existing condition

At this point, even using a Q-tip counts as a pre-existing condition.

(Via Instagram)