Let’s Riot: Monopoly Is Getting Rid Of Jail Because Of Your Dumb Kids

First, those evil brothers Parker came and stole our irons and replaced them with cats, which was only fun until you went to prison because you forgot that steam isn’t supposed to come out of felines. Now, speaking of, certain editions of Monopoly won’t include jail because board games are being tailored to be played faster.

And it’s all your dumb kids’ fault, what with their Diet Mountain Dew and light-up sneakers.

“Hasbro’s new Monopoly Empire, in which players compete to amass the most big-name brands, such as Coca-Cola Xbox and McDonald’s, can be completed in as little as 30 minutes, compared with the hours that traditional Monopoly could take,” reports the Wall Street Journal‘s Ann Zimmerman. Hasbro accomplished this depressing feat in part by removing the jail, which speeds up the pace and also removes a crucial safe zone in the latter stages of the game. (Via)

Now how will kids and bored adults in lakeside cabins get scared straight? The only thing that’s kept out of the slammer so far is remembering that cold, dark night in 2001, when I got a “Go Directly to Jail” card from both the Chance AND Community Chest piles. I…I don’t like to talk about what happened.

(via Getty Image) (Via)

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