Adam Levine, who is the full-time husband of supermodel Behati Prinsloo and part-time singer of Maroon 5, remains inexplicably popular with the ladies. This poor little girl named Mila has a huge crush on Levine, and she must have wanted to wife the heck out of him when she grows up. Well, that ship has sailed for Levine because Mila is furious. Her mother videotaped the telltale tantrum Mila threw upon learning Levine went and got married on his own. He didn’t wait for Mila to grow up! What a cad.
Poor Mila, but at least she knows the truth now. One day, she will have her revenge on mom for embarrassing her on YouTube, and now Levine doesn’t stand a chance. Not ever. One day, he’ll be sitting alone in a lounge after his fifth divorce, and Mila will walk by in adult form. He’ll decide Mila is The One, and she’ll let him talk to the hand. Too late, buddy. That’s what you get for marrying a Victoria’s Secret model.
Mila will be just fine. After all, I got over Rick Springfield’s marriage in 1984 when I was a card-carrying member of his fan club. It gets better, kid.