Mad Men Discussion: Fat Betty Draper Francis Is FAT FAT FAT

Let me start this off with an admission: I was kinda drunk when I came home last night and watched Mad Men. It was also kind of late. So I should probably go back and watch it a second time. I worry that my feelings about this episode — my hatred for which we’ll get to in a second — may be a little tainted due to drunken rage and sleepiness, especially considering that I loved last week’s episode.

Whatever, I hate Betty Draper Francis. There, I said it. And the only person I hate more than Betty Draper Francis is fat Betty Draper Francis.

– So yeah, last week everyone wondered, “Where’s Betty Draper?” Well now we know. She was eating the mid 1960s. Betty Draper is fat. FAT. And whiny and miserable as ever. We know this with the first couple of minutes of last night’s show. God help us all.

And naturally, there’s a Fat Betty Draper Twitter feed in existence. Tagline: “If there’s 3 things I love it’s Bugles, ice cream sundaes, and ATTENTION!”

– The Rolling Stones! Thanks for reminding us that they’re that old, Matt Weiner.

– “There are pills you can take for that.” — Betty’s equally awful mother-in-law Pauline, summarizing the America of the past 50 years in a single sentence.

– Ugh, Betty calls Don when she gets the news that she may have cancer. He’s the first person she tells. Don breaks out his signature term of endearment for her: “Birdy.” The title of the episode is “Tea Leaves.” I think it’s clear that Matt Weiner is setting it up for the two of them to end up back in each other’s arms. Though it’s not exactly a surprise, this pisses me off because it just doesn’t seem plausible at this point — Don’s got a little French-Canadian f*ck bunny at home eager to satisfy his every whim. I don’t care about the bond he and Betty share because they had kids together. Too soon. And Betty sucks. Period.

Betty: “Say what you always say.” Don: “Everything’s going to be okay.” OMG GROSS RUN AWAY DON RUN FAR FAR AWAAAAY!

– “Between that and ‘It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn’ Over There.” Roger Sterling may be the funniest, most loveable racist ever.

– Don looking miserable at a Rolling Stones concert reminded me of what I think I’d be like at a Skrillex show. Old. Very old.

– Henry hates Don so hard. He should be begging Don to take that decaying anchor with blond hair and tits of his off his hands.

– I know I wasn’t the only one hoping that Betty’s tumor would be malignant. Sadly, it’s benign. But I suppose there’s still hope that she’ll die in a fire, right? (Sorry, I just really hate Betty more than you probably do.)

– Not to get to spoiler-y, but a Mohawk Airlines plane crashed in 1967. I have a feeling we’ll get a glimpse into how SCDP handles damage control in the near future.

– No Joan?!?! Not cool, Matt Weiner. Not cool. Also, can her dumb doctor husband hurry up and die in Vietnam so she and Roger can start f*cking again?

-Did you catch Henry referring to Mitt Romney’s father — who was running for president at the time — as a “clown.” Nice burn, Matt Weiner!

-This episode was directed by Jon Hamm. As much as I want to say there was something about his direction that stood out to me, I can’t really recall anything that jumps out.

– By far my favorite moment of the show was Don and a stoned, White Castle devouring Harry sitting in Don’s car after the backstage with the Rolling Stones sh*tshow. That scene was kind of awesome.

– The episode goes to credits with Betty Draper eating a sundae and then finishing off Sally’s. That struck me as kind of perfect.

With that said, the person who contributes the best Betty Draper fat joke in the comments between now and 5pm eastern time today gets a free DVD of Mad Men season one or four, the most recent one. Winner’s choice.

UPDATE: Congrats to MykroftzerO for this winning fat Betty Draper Francis joke: “How many Sundaes are in January this year?”