Madonna Hated ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Because ‘No One Eats P*ssy As Much As’ Christian Grey

News & Culture Writer
02.13.15 21 Comments
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Fifty Shades Of Grey fever is at an all-time frenzied high, as the theatrical version finally hits theaters tomorrow for Valentine’s Day. So in an interview with Madonna published online this morning, naturally Billboard had to ask the noted erotica enthusiast if she’s read the source material and what she thinks of it.

In a nutshell… Madonna is not a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Yes, I have. It’s pulp fiction. It’s not very sexy, maybe for someone who has never had sex before. I kept waiting for something exciting and crazy to happen in that red room thing, and I was like, “Hmm, a lot of spanking.” I also thought, “This is so unrealistic because no guy goes down on a girl that much.” I’m sorry, but no one eats p—- as much as the guy in that book.

I love that one of Madonna’s primary criticisms with the book is that it’s unrealistic because no guy “goes down on a girl that much.” Not that like, it’s poorly written or includes the gratuitous use of the phrase “oh jeez.” This also tears apart my preconceived notions of what the sexual relationship is like for any guy dating Madonna. I always just assumed that all sexual contact would be limited to: A) the guy going down on Madonna and B) the guy getting pegged in the butt by Madonna. I don’t even know which side is up anymore.

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