Mall Santas Reveal The Most Funny And Depressing Things Children Have Asked Them For

News & Culture Writer
11.20.15

Despite being a good way to bring in some extra cash around the holidays, being a Mall Santa doesn’t seem like the easiest job. First of all, there is about zero chance you make it through the holiday season without picking up like 5,000 strains of the common cold because, as everyone knows, children are tiny disease factories. Add to the fact that much like a box of chocolates, with a kid, you never know what you’re gonna get. Is this next one going to be a model of child behavior (I hope so), or have a terrifying nuclear meltdown? (Probably.)

As such, this latest Ask Reddit thread poses the question to all those Mall Santas out there in the trenches: “What’s the most memorable thing a child has told you they wanted for Christmas?” Answers range from funny to kind of sad to super depressing, and we’ll start off with this obligatory urination story, compliments of user Mr_Shy:

Oh definitely the kid who wanted to pee.

Same old introduction as always, asking what she wants for Christmas.

“I wanna pee!”

Trying to change the topic to help the kid choose, get the picture taken, and move on.

“I wanna pee!”

The parents insist that the kid choose something and I sit there awkwardly with this little girl wriggling all over me. She’s crying and they’re insisting and then my lap gets warm.

Just why.

Well just because, obviously. This next one comes from NotStormTroopers, who describes a future /r/panties lurker. (Not linking that. Sorry, guys.)

The most memorable for me was definitely the young boy, probably eight, who said he wanted the panties of the cute girl next door. I didn’t really know how to respond to it, or what he meant by that, so I just asked him what else he wanted.

I’ve had kids ask for guns so they can fight terrorists followed immediately by kids who ask for something noble like world peace (I guess parents give kids different ideas for gifts).

There was a kid who started crying on my lap without asking for anything. Oh wait that happens all the time.

But yeah the panties thing is definitely the most memorable.

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