Mercedes Has A Fancy Pickup Truck For The Person Who Will Never Help Friends Move

Upon first glance, the Mercedes-Benz GLT pickup truck looks like it will be a glorious, luxurious response to the Ford F150, Dodge Ram and the rest of the American-made gas-guzzling blue collar armada. But that’s not the case at all, as the purpose of this truck that could soon be available in North America is to simply add a whole lot of high-end elegance to the small pickup truck market. According to Car and Driver, the GLT will be a lot like the Nissan NP300 Navara, except with options so fancy they belong in a personal spacecraft.

In fact, the head of the Mercedes van division, Volker “Don’t Call Me Marty” Mornhinweg told CAR Magazine that your flavored Skoal pouches and Brantley Gilbert CDs don’t belong anywhere near the cab of this beautiful pickup.

‘We are not going to develop a fat cowboy truck for North America,’ he tells CAR. ‘After all, the big three – Ford, GM/GMC and Ram – already own about 90% of that market which typically absorbs in excess of two million units per year. In this cut-throat environment, newcomers like us would invariably fight an arduous uphill battle. That’s why our focus is on a smaller and lighter pick-up truck which is already perceived as premium product in South America, Africa and the Middle East.’

The GLT is ultimately a “modern” pickup truck and as such this one will be the platinum standard when it comes to telling your friends, “You want me to help you move furniture? In my Benz? Are you f*cking insane?”

‘The customers out there are waiting for the Mercedes among the mid-size pick-ups,’ Mornhinweg told CAR. ‘We shall give them exactly what they ask for: impeccable fit and finish, top-notch safety and comfort, excellent vehicle dynamics and state-of-the-art connectivity. Yes, our vehicle looks plain and simple. But it is highly functional, it offers best-in-class passenger space in row two, the ergonomics leave nothing to be desired, and the materials used clearly exceed typical pick-up standards.’

While there isn’t a specific time frame for the GLT’s release yet, CAR reports that the truck’s starting price will be around $30,000. Just thinking about it, I can already hear the Florida Georgia Line hit pumpin’ in my ears with the windows down…

Cruisin’ down the dirt road with my baby in her cutoff jean shorts

Got the Haggard on the radio, and a cooler filled with Heineken Light bottles

Wallet chain shinin’ in the gold Southern sun, and wind blowin’ through my expensive hairstyle