Michael Douglas: Performing Oral Sex On Catherine Zeta-Jones Caused My Throat Cancer

The next time the cast of Basic Instinct gets together for an anniversary orgy, they’re going to have a lot to talk about. Yesterday, news broke that Sharon Stone was named a suspect in a heist involving $1.4 million in jewels that went missing from a hotel room during the Cannes Film Festival. Not to be outdone, Michael Douglas revealed in an interview with the Guardian that “his throat cancer was apparently caused by performing oral sex.”

Expect Jeanne Tripplehorn to blow up a sperm bank any day now.

Asked whether he now regretted his years of smoking and drinking, thought to be the cause of the disease, Douglas replied: “No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

Douglas, the husband of Catherine Zeta Jones, continued: “I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.” (Via)

As the article notes, the “treatment worked and Douglas is now more than two years clear of cancer,” which is very good news, though not as good as a sentence that begins with, “Without wanting to get too specific…” and ends, “Yeah, I went down on Catherine Zeta-Jones SO hard. Greed is good? No, I am.”

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