Somewhere in the shadows of Milwaukee, a vicious beast haunts the city of 600,000 people. (It’s been quite the busy day in lion news.) Over the past week, residents have grown terrified after several people reported sightings of a large cat. The evidence amounts to eyewitness reports and a grainy cellphone video. Most who have seen this animal report feeling frozen and scared out of their minds:
One man saw the creature for only a few bone-chilling seconds, but he remembers that it was big, with heavy brown fur and a long tail, and not in any particular hurry as it walked through his neighborhood in Milwaukee and then disappeared into a thickly wooded ravine.
A police officer, tracking it the next day, described it as a “catlike animal” that had successfully evaded capture again. And Annie Nolen, a resident of the Brewers Hill neighborhood who spotted the animal slinking along a fence in her backyard, said she was momentarily paralyzed by the sight. “I couldn’t move,” Ms. Nolen told local reporters later. “I thought, what am I looking at?”
The good news? No lion-related injuries have surfaced in the city, but residents aren’t taking any chances. Authorities aren’t sure of this animal’s origins. The zoo claims no ownership or knowledge of the animal, so animal control is operating under the assumption that this lion is someone’s escaped exotic pet. The Milwaukee Lion’s fame has risen beyond its humble physical confines. Today, the animal captured newspaper headlines across the United States.
Residents are also tweeting towards a newly created Twitter account, which claims to be from the Milwaukee Lion himself:
This terrifying creature isn’t simply dangerous. It’s also sentient and aware of El Chapo:
The lion has provided live reactions to breaking news stories and given shoutouts to other wild animals across the internet. Recruiting, perhaps?
Perhaps the Milwaukee Lion is simply misunderstood and needs a hug.
Be careful out there, folks. The Milwaukee Lion is watching your travel plans on Twitter.