Nerddom's Twenty Worst Moms

Senior Contributor
05.11.12 6 Comments

This Sunday, we will come together as a society and celebrate motherhood more than we already do. But, really, let’s face it, not all moms deserve their own day. In fact, some moms really suck, especially in pop culture.
So we thought we’d put them in a list, as a valuable corrective.

One of her sons really said it best: “Nobody crushes spirits like you, Mother.” At least two of her sons could have normal functioning lives, and are instead quivering manchildren. Kudos to Igner, who had the testicular fortitude to stand up to her. Then again, he’s a moron.
Let’s see here: supernaturally charged, domineering, bed ridden, only gets out of the relationship when John Constantine finds and kills her familiar…yeah, awesome parenting, lady. Also, hey, Chas, great work dealing with your problems.
Granted, drow in general do not make good parents, but Drizzt’s mom really has to take the cake. Consider that when she gave birth to him, she tried to sacrifice him to a god, and their relationship has only gone downhill since.
Yeah, yeah, Lavos corrupted her, whatever, she still treats her kids like we treat beer cans. Not even, because some of us will still find a use for an empty beer can.
This list actually started as a list of all the crappy moms in Stephen King’s books. There’s Susan’s mom in “Salem’s Lot”, Frannie’s mom in “The Stand”, Eddie’s mom in “It”, John’s from “The Tommyknockers”, not to mention Mom of the Year Margaret White and how she treats Carrie. True, there are a lot of moms who don’t relentlessly suck in his book, but King really, really loves to give his supporting cast mommy issues.
OK, so she was mind-controlled by the Sovereign, who is disappointingly not David Bowie, but still. Actually, BioWare really likes to do this, as we’ll see.
Oh, great, the crazy lady is raising a total sociopath. Granted, this is “A Song of Ice and Fire” we’re talking about here: bad parenting decisions abound and if you want your kid to survive, teaching him to be a nutjob is probably actually a good idea. Just ask…
True, there’s a prophecy in the way of her being a better parent, but beyond a certain point, you’d think she’d at least make more of an effort to screw over fate. Or at least ditch this whole royalty thing and go somewhere else.
Mystique abandoned both of her biological kids, and her relationship with Rogue can easily be classified as abusive. Oh, and she’s gotten into knock-down drag-out fights with all of them. Yeah, we bet the Mother’s Day dinner with Nightcrawler, Rogue, and Graydon isn’t remotely awkward.
Just…watch the movie.
So, instead of dealing with the abuse, or taking your son away from it, you force him to memorize Aristotle. So he turns into this:
Just…great work, Mrs. Elliot.
Sure, she seems nice. But as fans of “Discworld” know, that’s because you’re not one of her daughters-in-law.
Let’s see here: had a kid with Speedy. Abandoned it. Got pregnant again with Catman, not because of love, but so she’d have a replacement child when Mockingbird killed her previous child. Previous child got kidnapped and ultimately adopted out by a rich villain who just wanted to mess with her.
“Mooooooom, stop trying to possess my body to extend your immortality!”
Granted, this is “Willow”, George Lucas’ attempt to turn “The Lord of the Rings” into a live-action Disney movie, but even by those standards: yikes.
Yeah, Silent Hill? Her fault.
Although granted, a loveless arranged marriage is not ideal for good child-rearing.
It says something that even before she was bitten by a Sumatran Rat Monkey, she wasn’t exactly Mom of the Year.
Yeah, kill Frank Castle’s entire family because your son got gunned down by accident! That’ll end well! Great idea!
Hey, lady, don’t blame the camp counselors; you’re the one who left your kid in the charge of a bunch of teenagers.

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