New Poll: America Likes Hemorrhoids And Cockroaches More Than Congress

Senior Writer
10.10.13 4 Comments


On Tuesday, the folks at Public Policy Polling released their latest poll that ultimately asked random Americans what they liked and/or hated more than Congress. The results of said poll should not shock anyone, even as the questions ranged from clean and general to gross and downright hilarious, because my friends who actually pay attention to politics tell me that people absolutely f*cking loathe Congress right about now. Something about a shotgun or shuttle bus or something like that.

As for the questions, they begin with the very simple “Do you approve or disapprove of the job Congress is doing?” (86% say disapprove) and they just get more to the point from there.

1 Anthony Weiner

Poor Carlos Danger. Maybe take a few more years off, fella.

2 Wall Street

Ouch. That one really stings.

3 Miley Cyrus

If Nancy Pelosi walked around holding an Arizona Ice Tea can like a giant dick with her tongue sticking out, these numbers would probably be completely different.

4 Cockroaches

Although, I’m willing to bet that Congress will find a way to exist after a nuclear Armageddon, too.

5 Ebola

Great, Congress. A quarter of the people surveyed aren’t sure if they’d rather have you or their flesh rot away.

6 Syria

I’d love to have met the people who said, “Well, Congress is full of do-nothing A-holes, but Syria has that whole chemical weapons thing… I’m really on the fence.”

7 Hipsters

Finally, someone makes hipsters look good.

8 Lindsay Lohan

Wait until she’s on Eastbound & Down and those numbers will reverse.

9 Honey Boo Boo

Come on, people. Honey Boo Boo’s family may be a horrible example of America, but she’s just a kid. Congress is way worse than her or Mama June.

11 Hemorrhoids

There you have it – 53% of people surveyed would rather have a hellish sore on their b-holes than the dipsh*ts in DC.

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