Viral

New Study: American Teenagers Are Crazy About Vaping

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The results are in: Teens love vaping. A new study found that e-cigarette usage has tripled among American teenagers in the last year alone, bringing the total percentage of teens who vape to 13%. There’s good news and bad news tucked away inside those figures, as the New York Times explains. The good: Cigarette smoking is decreasing in popularity, as young people are using the electronic version to replace the more harmful, tar-filled alternative. The bad: A whole new generation is being introduced to nicotine and tobacco products, which the director of the CDC succinctly describes as “a really bad thing.”

Both fair points, I suppose. What say you, vaping teenz?

Joe Stevonson, 18, a senior at a high school in Jackson, Miss., said he used e-cigarettes to quit smoking, after the habit started affecting his ability to play sports. He prefers a flavor called Courtroom, endorsed by the rapper Lil Ugly Mane, which is described on websites where it is sold as “a medley of things you might want while waiting for the jury to convict.”

Lest you think “a flavor called Courtroom, endorsed by the rapper Lil Ugly Mane, which is described on websites where it is sold as ‘a medley of things you might want while waiting for the jury to convict’” is the most ridiculous thing you will read today, allow me to also point out this phrase: “two favorite flavors were Sweet Tart and Unicorn Puke, which one student described as ‘every flavor Skittle compressed into one.’” This means, in all likelihood, there is at least one American teenager who can truthfully say the sentence “Unicorn Puke helped me quit smoking.” What an incredible time to be alive.

But, okay. Fine. At least he’s using it to quit smoking. That’s something. Now give me the real stuff, New York Times. Find me a ridiculous teen who just got into vaping for the chicks.

“It was something for us to do that was edgy and exciting,” said James, who asked that his last name not be used because he did not want his smoking habits to be on public display. And he liked the smoke tricks that his friends had gotten good at, like blowing out the vapor so that it spun like a tornado.

He has never smoked cigarettes and said he could not imagine ever starting. “There’s a harshness to cigarettes,” he said. “Girls think they’re gross.”

Yes. YES. There it is.

I like to picture young James in his room, pacing madly, muttering in confusion as he contemplates his dilemma. “Dammit, James. Think. You need to be edgy and exciting, and you spent months learning all those sick smoke tricks — the tornado, the ring-in-a-ring, the Alabama Haze Fiasco — but now all the sweet babes think you’re gross. What are you gonna do? THINK.”

And then, like a guardian angel down from heaven, unshaven and wearing a leather jacket and scarf over a wife beater, appeared Stephen Dorff.

“Bro. Try this. Trust me.”

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