Meet The Octogenarian Who Dumped ‘A Bowl Of Urine’ On A 13-Year-Old Boy

This 84-year-old man, Charles Weatherford (pictured above), had a literal “get off my lawn” confrontation last Saturday at his home in Evansville, Ind. that ended with a 13-year-old boy covered in urine. Weatherford had originally called 911 claiming the the boy, whose name has not been released due to the fact that he’s a minor, was smashing landscaping bricks outside of his home because as we all know, 13-year-old boys are the worst.

However according to The Smoking Gun, cops were soon called back to the scene after the boy’s mother ascertained that her son had been “assaulted with bodily waste.”

“During subsequent questioning, Weatherford said that he became angry when the boy called him names and challenged him to fight. ‘Weatherford then stated that he then threw a liquid onto the Juvenile male suspect,’ cops noted.

While en route to jail, Weatherford ‘disclosed that he did sometimes keep a bowl of urine on his balcony for self defense,’ according to the report.”

Okay, first of all this kid sounds like a royal a-hole and I feel no sympathy for him at all whatsoever that he got urine thrown on him. Secondly, how much do I love it that this was no spontaneous act of urine throwing, but that the guy purposely keeps a bowl of urine on hand to ward off any burglars and/or scary 13-year-olds. IDEA: mace, only filled with urine. All I’m saying is think about it, self-defense industry.

(Via The Smoking Gun)