Of Course China Built A Sperm-Collecting Machine

Nooo, don’t do it!  Haven’t you ever heard any farmer’s daughter / milking machine jokes?

When I saw this hand job machine on Reddit, I immediately needed to know more about it. (Uh . . . for a friend.)  After several Google searches that have probably landed me on yet another watchlist, I am pleased to announce I know exactly where you can buy this machine (for a friend).  It’s made by Sanwe Medical Equipment Co., Ltd., who say:

We consistently adhere to the service philosophy of “Customer is friend rather than God” [Ed.- lol wut?] and hope to provide users more benefits, more convenience and more enjoyable healthy life with our superior quality products, thoughtful service and absolute faithfulness.

Thoughtful service and friendliness indeed.  And they sell these for only $2,800 and say they can manufacture up to ten of these machines per week (for a friend).  The video of it operating but mercifully not in use is after the jump (along with a completely relevant video from earlier this month).  There’s no nudity, but it’s probably safe to assume it might be NSFW.   The machine is simply called “Sperm Collector”.  I guess they ignored all my letters where I requested it be named “your mom”.