Pacemaker Implant In The Neck Can Reduce Migraines

Senior Contributor

It has been proven that installing a pacemaker in somebody’s neck to zap their occipital nerves reduces migraines. To a surprising degree, in fact.

One small problem: Nobody knows how the hell the thing actually works.

This isn’t a new device: It got approved a year ago in Europe because Europeans will pretty much stick anything in their bodies, mostly just for the hell of it.

The US has slightly more stringent standards, and so a test of 157 participants was conducted by Thomas Jefferson University. 105 had the zapper in their neck turned on, while the rest did not… and the zapped control group saw a drop in average number of migraines from 22 to 16.

That may not sound like a lot but if you get regular migraines, you are probably punching your screen right now screaming at me to tell you where to buy this thing. There are two problems standing in the way, unfortunately.

First, not unreasonably, scientists would like to be clear on what exactly repeated jolts to nerves may do, long-term.

Secondly, nobody has any idea how it works. It may reduce levels of pain neurotransmitters, which has some science behind it, but as of right now, it might as well be elves.

But we’re assuming this will be approved sooner rather than later, if for no other reason than an obscure rule in the FDA regulations that automatically passes anything involving shocks because, I quote, “it’s funny.”

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