As we recently mentioned, the anonymous man who who goes by “DoubleDickDude” online after becoming famous on Reddit for being born two functional penises has published his first memoir. I initially pointed out a discrepancy that I just sort of wrote off about the supposed length of DDD’s penises (he initially says that they’re six and seven inches, respectively, but later ups it to ten). But according to Mark Shrayber of Jezebel, who has done the lord’s work by reviewing the memoir, that might just be the beginning.
Shrayber points out that DDD seems to lack “understanding of both the human anatomy and how people have sex,” at one point referring to female genitalia as “big and tan” which makes him question whether or not this person has ever even seen a vagina. (Basically, the vagina description version of The Bluths’ chicken dance.)
But the most damning amongst his claims — which include having “turned” a number of men gay — is at one point in a super duper NSFW excerpt, he claims to have made a woman’s cervix fall out of her body.
Except that Shrayber consulted with a Women’s Health Practioner, and apparently that’s what you’d call a “medical impossibility” — complete with this helpful diagram:
To visualize a cervix you need to open the vagina with a speculum and you need direct light. To penetrate a cervix with anything wider than a stick of uncooked spaghetti you would have to dilate it with even more instruments, which would be very painful. You would need an additional instrument (tenaculum) to straighten out the uterus to avoid perforation of the uterus. Inserting anything non-sterile into a cervix could easily cause severe infection. The cervix is mostly closed, and coated with a thick layer of mucous, to keep anything out that’s not supposed to go in.”
So there’s everything you probably didn’t want to know about the cervix today. I have no doubt that DDD’s memior is probably an entertaining (if disquieting) read, but the likelihood of it being truthfully accurate is about as likely as running into someone with two dicks in the locker room or on your next date.