Now before we get started here today folks, alot of you are probly asking “Whose Bomani Jones?”
Well hes basicly a big slab of meat hanging from a hook in a freezer that Woody Page does boxing punches on every day from 4-4:30 EST on ESPNs Around the Horn. Hes the Guiness in the Dan Lebatard “Highly Questionable” Black & Tan which is ironic because he sets world records for most facial expressions that make White viewers insecure and uncomfortable in there own skin, which is the worst kind of racism of all. Anyways, Bomani agreed to sit down with me and talk sports, race, ESPN, and Joe Flacco so watch as I mop the floor with him in KSKs own personal Showdown. Two men enter, one will leave. (No Offense Rachel Nickles) HORN!
PFT Commenter: Bomani thanks for sitting down with me today,, anyone whose able to outwit the likes of Woody Page on a regular basis is obviously a genius so its no suprise you wanted to visit with me. First off, everything I say here is “no offense”.
Whats your favorite part about working at ESPN? What place did you finish in the annual “rug race” this year?
Bomani: I’m told we can get free tickets to Disney World. But until I get those tickets, or have kids who’d enjoy that sort of thing, it’s smelling the mix of cigars and Binaca on Papi’s breath.
PFT Commenter: Kind’ve gross to think the odors that strong that you can still smell it on her when its your turn to race but hey whatver.
By the way, Ive heard you dont officially make it at ESPN until Olberman forgets your name, has he learned yours yet?
Bomani: I can say confidently he’s learned it, though it didn’t happen that long ago. It’s also entirely possible, since, that I’ve officially made it at ESPN.
PFT Commenter: Help me understand your rules. Is Ben Roethliesberger a Black QB like people said that Clinton was a Black President?
Bomani: Nah. They tried to run Clinton off his job for something the mythical “everyone” does. That’s black. Roethlisberger dodged one sexual assault charge and is never asked to discuss that one allegation…or the other one. That’s not black at all.
PFT Commenter: As a White man, am I allowed to say the N-Word if Im singing along to a rap song as long as Im in blackface?
Bomani: Of course you are. Ask yourself a follow-up, though — can I take a punch? We could talk about right and wrong, or we could talk about real life.
PFT Commenter: Ive gotten punched in my face more then most sets of twins and I turned out fine so yes Ive got your permission I guess.
PFT Commenter: F/M/K Woody Page, Jay Marrioti, Skip Bayless
Bomani: Well, I’ve only met two of them. I’m pretty confident at least two of these gentleman will never die, and three of them would make for a rocky marriage. Wait, that adds up to five. Just roll with it, OK?
PFT Commenter: Right,, Im with you but it kind’ve almost sounds like youd pork all 3 of them since you cant kill Skip and Woody and somehow Jay Marriotid find a way to give you a black eye before you were done with your vows.
PFT Commenter: Desert Island Question: You have to take one country artist’s CD, your TV only gets 1 ESPN show (it cant be one that your on), and you get one type of drink.
Bomani: Gimme Garth Brooks’ first album, Olbermann and a glass of Remy.
PFT Commenter: No Fences, no facts, no suprise.
PFT Commenter: How long have you been a Black journalist?
Bomani: I’m kinda like the Grover Cleveland of this. Yeah, I was black for a while, but I also started working for a Canadian company in 2010. I resumed blackness later that year when I defended Jesse Jackson on Outside the Lines.
PFT Commenter: Is Joe Flacco a Elite Quarterback?
Bomani: Ask me that on the 1st or 15th. Whichever comes up first.
PFT Commenter: Ask me on the 1st? Bome-Thugs N Harmony answer IMO.
PFT Commenter: Im not racist I listen to Eric Clapton (blues) and half of my flex players in fantasy are Black, but statiscally you have to admit that Black QBs have won less Superbowls than Whites and we’re going off a pretty large sample size now. Why cant they win in January?
Bomani: You always notice how it’s always white people you see skiing? You don’t ever see no brothers skiing, do you? You feel me, homeslice?
PFT Commenter: So your saying on record that a team with a black QB should keep a special player on the active roster desingated as the “cold-weather QB” if they have to play a match in January below 32 degrees? i think thats a great comprimise.
Bomani: Or, perhaps, find a Nova Scotian black quarterback. There’s black folks in Nova Scotia. Ahhh, didn’t know that, did you?
PFT Commenter- Thats right Snows from Canada isnt he i stand corrected good take. DId you play sports growing up? Which ones and why arent you a professional athlete?
Bomani: I did grow up playing sports. And I would be a professional athlete, but I’ve got this genetic condition that makes me relatively untalented at anything other than math.
PFT Commenter: Whats the best piece of advice you can give a guy whose trying to make it in the sports-takes game?
Bomani: If you can find a father in the sports-take game, adopt him. The hot-take game a microcosm of life or something else with four syllables.
PFT Commenter: Is it better to be like a Stephen A Smith or a Skip Bayless when it comes to giving strong takes? Do you think it’d be cool if I did almost like a Limp Bizkit Rap/Rock combination of the two where I verbally wipe my butt with LeBron James and literally make out with Allen Iverson simultaneously?
Bomani: If one man on TV is wearing a tie, and the other isn’t, trust the man in the tie. This rule also applies to “Highly Questionable.” This is also the part where someone reads this and says “riiiight, a tie!” And if you say “Limp Bizkit” in my presence again, someone’s gonna need to call the cops.
PFT Commenter: Whose more overpaid atheletes, or people who talk about atheletes?
Bomani: People who talk about athletes, without question. We get older, and sometimes worse, and we get paid more just for hanging around. This is a no-brainer.
PFT Commenter: Do you think the Redskins should change there name?
Bomani: Let’s be more specific. They could become the “Fightin’ Injuns,” and that would technically be a name change.
PFT Commenter: Whose your favorite sports writer?
Bomani: Ralph Wiley, all-time. Current, Adrian Wojnarowski.
PFT Commenter: Besides grand jury summonses, what do you like to read in your spare time?
Bomani: I read tattoos on strangers’ bodies. Great way to learn bible verses, Asian languages and learn the names of all the new hip rap tunes.
PFT Commenter: Ah yes. Also known as the Colin Crappernick Kaep-trick.
PFT Commenter: What questions do you have for me to educate you?
Bomani: Do you see more red or blue underlines when you do your work?
PFT Commenter: Ive never actualy listened to that Robin Thick song so my guess is this is some kind of Pharrelle joke here. Whats your take on IR-G3 getting shut down for the year? You think Ol Kenny Stabler woud ever let some turkeyass coach sit him out for his own protection?
Bomani: I’ve lost my job many times, and I must say, you appreciate that time off once you have it. You don’t appreciate that first missed check. Griffin won’t miss checks. Work on your Candy Crush game. I’m not sure just what the Snake would have done, but it wouldn’t have involved the words “candy” and “crush.” Maybe one, but not both.
PFT Commenter: LAST QUESTION: Your phone buzzes would you rather its a snapchat from Sean Salisbury or Brett Farve?
Bomani: Favre. It’s less likely that he’s asking to borrow money, and my biggest fear when my phone buzzes is someone asking to borrow money.