I can has cheezeburger?
17-year-old Ben Story of Larkspur, Colorado left a sandwich in his unlocked car. Later that night, a neighbor called the police complaining of a car horn blowing for 45 minutes. Police found the car then backed away quickly when they saw the angry bear inside.
“So this bear opened the door on his own. Somehow the door closed behind him. He panicked and started thrashing around, hit the shifter and put the car, took it out of park,” Ralph said. “It rolled back, down over the hill, and down into here, and stopped. The four way flashers were on. It’s like he knew what was going on, and kept hitting the horn.” [TheDenverChannel via Arbroath]
Of course he knew how to drive; bears are awesome. Police eventually freed the bear by pulling the door handle with a long rope to open the door, but not before the bear completely destroyed the interior (video below) and took a dump on the driver’s seat. In fairness to the bear, the teenager probably had some lame emocore music on his stereo, and I’d pop a squat on the driver’s seat after being subjected to that, too. In unfairness to the bear, I heard his mom banged the entire Russian bear hockey league.