Over the weekend, human troll (they’re less agreeable than mountain trolls) Piers Morgan got into a Twitter fight with author J.K. Rowling after his appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher, where he was told to “f*ck off” by comedian Jim Jefferies. “Yes, watching Piers Morgan being told to f*ck off on live TV is *exactly* as satisfying as I’d always imagined,” the Harry Potter author tweeted, to which Morgan responded, “This is why I’ve never read a single word of Harry Potter.” Which was the exact wrong to reply with. Rowling fired back, “Because you had a premonition that one day the author would roar with laughter at seeing you called out for your bullsh*t on live TV?”
This back-and-forth went on for awhile — Rowling called Morgan a “fact-free, amoral, bigotry-apologism of celebrity toady,” Morgan referred to Rowling as part of the “shrieking, hysterical anti-Trump celebrity brigade,” Morgan’s son got involved, etc. It’s even spread to other Twitter accounts. London’s Big Green Bookshop, which sounds like the kind of place where Hugh Grant would work in a romantic comedy, has been tweeting the entirety of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone to Morgan, 140 characters at a time.
Just how many tweets will it take to get through the whole book?
Only 32,567. The Twitter account is run by the bookstore’s co-owner Simon Key, who wrote, “Hi. Just so you know, i’m not a computer program. It’s me typing stuff. Piers Morgan is a twat. JK Rowling is incredible. I shall continue.” He’s going to continue for awhile: it will take approximately 651 days for Key to tweet the entire book. Not all heroes wear capes, or carry wands.