Possible Cancer Treatment Slims Down Porky Monkeys?

Human nature being what it is, inevitably, we turn our enormous brains to our own vanity. Which is why we fed fat monkeys a bunch of an experimental drug to treat cancer, to see if they’d lose weight. That’s…that’s just great.

The bizarre thing? It worked. The treatment kills tumors by cutting off their blood supply, so the cancer drug was tweaked to instead cut the blood supply off of fatty tissue. The flabby simians lost 39% of their overall body fat, and saw a weight loss of 7 to 15%.

OK, OK, so the researchers mostly want to see whether the drug can be used to help obese cancer patients lose weight, and nobody knows if it’ll work on humans as well as monkeys. But you know it’s not going to end there. Everybody, not just people who actually need to lose weight, will be all over this thing. And then the world will be an empty landscape of models and studs. Where, I ask you, will the funny fat guys and Jabba the Hutt cosplayers of the future come from? Where?!

[ via the heralds of the end of fatty days at Discover ]