Barack Obama turns 54 today, which may shock you since he looks like he’s aged twenty years since he became president back in 2009. But it isn’t all stress and tough decisions and grey hairs in the White House. The president gets to do some fun things as well, like the annual White House Correspondent’s Association Dinner.
Every year, the press corps covering the White House gathers for a dinner where everyone skewers everyone. Prominent comedians like Bob Hope, Richard Pryor, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert have hosted the dinner, but in recent years Barack Obama has stolen the show with his stand-up performances. So here’s a look at both the full performances and the funniest moments from the President (and his writers, of course) during the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.
“I have something that rhymes with bucket list. Take executive action on immigration? Buck-it…”
“Thanks to Obamacare you no longer have to worry about losing your insurance if you lose your job. You’re welcome, Senate democrats!”
“Bernie Sanders might run. I like Bernie, Bernie is an interesting guy. Apparently some folks really want to see a pot smoking socialist in the White House. We could get a third Obama term after all!”
“Just last month a wonderful story, an American won the Boston Marathon for the first time in thirty years. Which was inspiring, and only fair since a Kenyan has been president for the last six.”
“I’m feeling sorry for the Speaker of the House as well. These days House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me. Which means orange really is the new black.”
“Some things are beyond my control. For example, this whole controversy about Jay-Z going to Cuba – it’s unbelievable. I’ve got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one. That’s another rap reference, Bill O’Reilly.”
“I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate.”
“Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities. And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with. Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know?”
“Take Mitt Romney — he and I actually have a lot in common. We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to an alarmingly insulting extent, the American people agree.”
“In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq. In my second term, I will win the war on Christmas.”
“I’ve even let down my key core constituency: movie stars. Just the other day, Matt Damon – I love Matt Damon, love the guy – Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt … I just saw ‘The Adjustment Bureau’ so … right back at ya, buddy.”
“Donald Trump is here tonight! Now, I know that he’s taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter – like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”
“The Jonas Brothers are here. They’re out there somewhere. Sasha and Malia are huge fans. But, boys, don’t get any ideas. I have two words for you – predator drones. You will never see it coming. You think I’m joking.”