Welcome to a special Super Bowl Bye Week edition of Always Be Covering. Since we can’t bet on any games this week, we might as well take an early look at the all-important Super Bowl props.
Coin toss: Tails -105 vs. Heads
Fifty percent of the time, it works every time. This is quite possibly the best bet of the week.
Coin toss winner: New York -105 vs. New England -105
In the five Super Bowls won by New England and New York the eventual winner was the team that lost the coin toss. It’s science, people!
Team with longest kick return: New York -155 vs. New England +125
Is Domenik Hixon fast?
Could his parents spell retard?
Only if you spot them the “retar-“
Does any of this matter?
Just the first part.
Team to score first: New York +160 vs. New England -200
Sure, why the fuck not. I’m going to go ahead and call it as a 32 yard field goal by Lawrence Tynes.
The bonus to the above bets is that you could potentially lock all of them up within the game’s first possession, leaving you with a large sum of money to bet on the remainder of the game. Plus it’s a way to bet on the Giants without actually betting on the Giants!
Super Bowl MVP: Asante Samuel 15:1
Brady is the obvious favorite, but his payout doesn’t really make it worth the investment. Moss and WelKAH! may tempt some at 4:1 and 5:1 respectively, but imagine what they’d have to do to wrest the award away from the Dreamboat. That’s why I’m going to the defensive side. Well, that and Elisha of course. Sure, the mealy-mouthed little brother has been pretty fucking impressive in recent weeks, but I think we all know that he’s going to crack under the pressure like a wayward Mormon in Vegas.
Australian Open Women’s Final: Ana Ivanovic vs. Maria Sharapova…
The Winner: Your Throbbing Erection!
Have a restful weekend, apparently there’s something big on the horizon. Now I’m going to go erase the image of our readership’s collective phallus with heavy doses of grain alcohol.
P.S. I think I just spoiled next week’s pick.
P.P.S. Buy a fucking t-shirt, Punter worked hard on ass kicking logo!