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The Internet Reveals The Reasons Why Dorm Life Is As Depraved As Greek Life

There’s plenty of debate over the true worth of higher education, but there’s little doubt that college is a time when one makes a fool of themselves without (much) fear of repercussions. The results are often messy and involve plenty of alcohol and nudity. Sure, there are cram study sessions and periodic term papers to ward off monotony, but college students are often left with too much time to ponder their newfound freedom.

Greek life is filled with stereotypical parties and crazed behavior in the hopes of conforming to the group. Does dorm life stack up to the same level of debauchery? Yes, both forms of campus life can be depraved. The difference is that fraternities and sororities tend to behave badly on a group level and draw more attention to their misdeeds. There’s also the rare rogue individual who will expose himself on a mac and cheese bender, but many instances of bad behavior lurk in the dungeons known as “dorms.”

A group of Reddit users gathered to tell the sordid tales they witnessed on campus. These are their highlights, and Slugger767 starts the party off in chilly, pot-filled way:

“So last winter in Boston there was about 102″ of snow over the winter. Being college kids, we proceeded to build an igloo on the roof of our dorm and proceeded to hotbox it. Good times.”

IronMaven kept things frozen with a bodily function nightmare:

“One guy peed on a cookie sheet and let it freeze outside in winter. He took said frozen sheet of pee and slid it under another guy’s door when he wasn’t there. All the rooms in that dorm were carpeted.”

Dalamarx has a mac and cheese story that occurred in private:

“One of my friends girlfriends had a roommate that would masturbate almost every night, she said it sounded like someone vigorously stirring macaroni. I remember this story EVERY time I cook macaroni.”

Huskied endured a jolly fellow who crashed at his house to party:

“We threw a lot of wild parties and would let random people sleep on our couches overnight. One afternoon I get back from class and a (clearly) homeless guy who I noticed but didn’t kick out because I was late for class, was just chillin, eating my f*cking mac n cheese and playing ps3. The man was wearing a raggedy black shirt that simply said ‘BONES’ on it. When I asked what his name was, he told me his name was Bones Justice. I called the cops and told them we had a trespasser who refused to leave and we needed assistance. When they asked if we had a name for the individual, I said, ‘Bones Justice.’ To which the operator f*cking replied, ‘Oh, not Bones again. Patrol is on their way.’ When the cops came, and this is where it gets great, they got out of their squad car and yelled, ‘Bones! Come on out!’ Bones Justice gleefully ran out to the squad car and hopped in the backseat.”

This story from TheAppleIWarlock was both wet and unhygienic:

“The classic building of a hot tub. Basically we the usual community bathrooms with the showers pretty much being their own section. Some guys thought it would be cool to stop the drains and create a giant hot tub with 2×4’s basically. Needless to say this did not hold up very well and they ended up flooding the floor pretty much.”

StannisIsTheMannis dealt with bored students who only wanted a pet:

“I was an RA. I had 8 residents trap a raccoon and bring it into their dorm to ‘domesticate’ it. Guess what happens when you let a Raccoon in the dorm? It f*cks shit up.”

The guy across from GreenvilleDoc provided an eyeful with cad-like behavior:

“A guy I knew used to hook up with girls and then throw their clothes into the hall outside his room, then lock them out of his room, making them get dressed in the hall in front of whomever was around. I think he works for Comcast now, which fits.”

The best story of the bunch comes from CowboyLaw, who warms up with background information on “odd couple” Ron (a hippie) and Todd (a jock). Ron decided he couldn’t live with a dull roommate, so he whipped up a plan to make Todd flee. It worked:

“One night Todd wakes up. The blinds in the room have been pulled open, and it’s light enough to see in the room. Ron is standing in the middle of the room, naked, painting a huge mural on the wall that has the door on it. He skips and quietly sings to himself. Ron also paints himself. After 5+ minutes of watching this scene from his bed with growing disbelief and horror, Todd says something, and Ron turns slowly to face Todd, skips over to Todd’s bed, kisses Todd full on the lips, and says ‘go back to sleep Todd, you’re dreaming.’ The next morning, Todd wakes up. And there’s no mural anywhere in the room. No paint on the floor, no paint on any of Ron’s bedclothes, and Ron is fast asleep in his bed, wearing a t-shirt.

“Todd doesn’t know what the funk to think, but the best answer appears to be that he had a homoerotic dream about his roommate being a painting satyr. So Todd nopes the f*ck out of the dorm room and gets reassigned. Much later we were having a beer in Ron’s room. He asked us if we wanted to see something cool. Sure, we did. So he shut off all the lights and then turned on a lamp hidden near his bed — with a blacklight. All the sudden, a massive, glowing mural appeared on the wall with the door on it. And that’s how Ron got a room to himself.”

All of this is pretty wild stuff, and these students will have grand memories to console themselves during student-loan repayment. They could always write books filled with wild tales to make up their interest with capitalization. Hey, no judgment.

(Via Reddit)

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