The Rock Will Star In ‘Seal Team 666’ Because Of Course He Will

You kinda have to feel bad for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The man is undeniably an action star, but they don’t really make the kind of action movies he’s supposed to star in. Hence, he winds up making movies like Seal Team 666.

Amazingly headed to a theater near you, not video-on-demand, and also amazingly based on a book from an award winning author instead of a screenwriter’s desperate pitch to a coked-up producer, you can guess what the plot is about from the title. But for the sake of form:

Seal Team 666…follows Jack Walker (Johnson), whose SEAL training is interrupted when he is called away with a handful of other SEALS and a dog for a special ops mission. The team will take on demons, killer cults, possessed people, and above all else: EVIL! As it happens, an ancient cult is “dead” set on bringing out a more monstrous force to take on not just the U.S., but the entire world.

I’m torn, because done the right way, this could be a ridiculously entertaining time at the movies. Not an Oscar-winner, mind you, but an agreeably meatheaded action flick. Done wrong it could be Underworld: America F**k Yeah Edition. Johnson is serving as executive producer, so one hopes he’ll be able to keep it from being dumb the right kind of way. Remember, guys, think ’80s splatter, not early 2000s horror movie.