Siphopteron quadrispinosum, a type of sea slug, have both male and female genitals. And if you’re a sea slug, your sex life reads like a nightmare.
The “male” sea slug finds you and stabs you, injecting “prostate fluid” into your body. Then it does the usual sex act, except sea slug schlongs have spikes that anchor it into place.
As you might expect, getting stabbed before having one of your more sensitive internal organs having something spiky rammed up inside of it is not really popular or good for your health and most sea slugs prefer to do the stabbing.
The weird thing is that somebody decided to analyze this and discover that sea slugs either get something else out of this, or are the creepiest kinksters nature has turned out.
Essentially, researchers got a bunch of these creepy bastards and controlled their mating. In theory, they should only serve as the “female” often enough to get a store of sperm and refuse all mating opportunities other slugs attempt to force on them.
Yet that wasn’t the case. Regardless of mating opportunities, sea slugs got stabbed at a much higher rate than was necessary to reproduce.
So obviously they’re getting something out of it. The question is… what, exactly? Researchers have no idea whatsoever.
We vote that sea slugs are just gross and creepy in two ways instead of just being gross and creepy by their very existence.