What happens when you drive a seal too far? What happens when you drive Grammy award-winning vocal artist Seal too far? Well, we don’t know about the latter, but apparently, if you piss off a fur seal, it’ll throw an octopus at you. At least—that’s what happened to an ocean kayaker in New Zealand a few days ago.
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新しい @gopro #Hero7Black で衝撃映像撮れた🤣🤣 4K60fpsの安定化オンで撮ったからここまで驚いて全部撮れてた！こんな楽しいカヤックはじめて！！音声も海とかのガチャガチャ音ないし最高！ @barekiwi getting octopus smashed into his face by a seal⁉️ I’ve never had such an amazing kayak everrrrr!! I am super stoked that the new @goproanz #Hero7Black captured without missing a thing although we shook so much, #hypersmooth the stabilisation managed it so well!! I made a little montage to show how good the audio came out!! No noises super clean!! Thanks to @kaikourakayaks @purenewzealand @kaikouranz @goprojp @howtodadnz @snapair for such an epic trip!! #gopro #ゴープロ #ゴープロのある生活
Filmmaker-slash-Instagram influencer Taiyo Masuda posted a video that looked to be your run-of-the-mill epic ocean kayaking video. (Which is totally a thing.) But then, it cut to a kayaker sitting in the beautiful, deep blue waves of the South Pacific, enjoying himself and laughing when—SMACK!—a real, live seal (as in, Australasian fur seal a.k.a. Arctocephalus Forsteri, not as in Henry Olusegun Adeola Samuel a.k.a. singer-songwriter Seal) smacked said kayaker in the face, full force.
The kayaker was fine, as was the octopus, which clung to the side of the kayak after the incident, probably terrified and hoping, in its little octopus way, that that a-hole seal wasn’t coming back for round two.
Fellow UPROXX writer and all-around comedy genius Mark C. Stevens posed an important question, one that we will be asking ourselves for years to come: “Would you say the kayaker got a kiss from a rose on the (wave)?”
I wonder if the more that kayaker gets of his new seal, the stranger it feels. (Ooh.)