Seinfeld was, of course, a show about nothing, but the universal struggle to eek by really was at the center of the show, and one of mankind’s greatest struggles is the pursuit of happiness by way of love. On Seinfeld, however, that pursuit typically ended in failure. We’ve previously discussed how Jerry would be an incredibly terrible boyfriend, so clearly a lot of this romantic calamity falls on his shoulders (and the shoulders of his similarly picky and ridiculous friends), but while the reasons for cycling through half of Manhattan are suspect, you can’t sleep on the execution.
Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer knew how to break up with someone in spectacular fashion. So, next time you find yourself in desperate need of an exit strategy, why not borrow from the Seinfeld playbook and use these battle-tested breakup lines?
“I’m caught in my own web of lies…” – George
George’s little game doesn’t work for him (because nothing goes right for George) when he finds himself in the middle of two relationships, but manufacturing a reason to get someone to hate you is pretty sound as far as breakup plans go if you’re a burgeoning monster.
“I invented ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them not me! If it’s anybody, it’s me!” – George
If you break up so much that you have pride of ownership over a specific kiss-off line, you may need to evaluate your life choices. With that said, though, I suppose this is just George protecting his IP. I don’t think he’ll mind you trotting out the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse next time you need to break someone’s heart, though.