Singing 'Happy Birthday' Makes Cake Taste Better, Says History's Stupidest Scientific Study

In the last 24 hours UPROXX has used science to determine the exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop and declare the cast of ‘DuckTales’ a bunch of cannibalistic, corkscrew-penis’d pooper-rapists and somehow those aren’t the stupidest scientific discoveries we’re gonna share with you today.

That honor belongs to Kathleen Vohs and Psychological Science for deciding SCIENTIFICALLY that singing ‘Happy Birthday’ before you eat cake makes cake taste better. SH*T JUST GOT REAL.

The study, published in the upcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science, finds that the ritual of singing before eating a slice of cake, or any other dessert, increases one’s appreciation of the treat. The result is that the food ends up tasting better, at least in our minds.

The “Happy Birthday to You” song hasn’t even been around for 100 years, though the Guinness World Records does call it the most recognizable song in the English language. So, is it the song itself or the ritual?

University of Minnesota psychologist Kathleen Vohs found that this ritual even extends beyond singing to include such practices as how one opens a candy bar wrapper. (via The Sideshow)

Yes, folks, somebody used science to prove, “if you want food, you’ll like having the food.” Hey Psychological Science, I used my bathroom this morning to prove that taking a dump is a more satisfying experience when your ass is full of sh*t, and you aren’t trying to squeeze out air bubbles. Put me in your magazine!

If that’s not good enough, I’ve compiled a second study: cake tastes better when it’s free. Proof: