Sorry Russian Dude, But This Is Not How Getting Private Lap Dances Works

In Russia, strip club comes to you, or some other such hilarious joke that refers to the trademark glasnost wit of Yakov Smirnoff. As much as I’d like to make even more Grade A jokes about this strange story coming to us from Mother Russia, this is a pretty serious story and should be a reminder to strippers everywhere that the buddy system usually only works if that “buddy” is a giant dude named Boris. In this case, a 24-year old exotic dancer (I prefer the respectful term) named Zoe was leaving her shift at a Moscow strip club when she was confronted by a regular named Sidor, who was apparently hellbent on getting a private show.

How do we know this? Because the security footage shows him pick Zoe up and carry her away. Not cool at all, comrade.

According to the Daily Star, the strip club owner was familiar with Sidor and he called him repeatedly to handle this ugly little matter of kidnapping. There weren’t many details to the story, but I assume that the owner was loud and scary-sounding, because that’s how all Russians sound to me. Eventually, Sidor let Zoe go and the police came to arrest him. Next time just pay the extra 100 rubles* for the VIP room, dude.

*I don’t know squat about foreign currency, so this might be, like, $5 or something.