Stupid New Study: Bacon Lowers The Quality Of Your Sperm

Well folks, it has happened yet again. Just like the other day, when it was reported that Oreo cookies were no different than cocaine, a group of evil scientists, bent on ruining the world as we know it, has come along and revealed the findings of a new study that simply destroys everything that we have always loved. This time? BIG SCIENCE is taking down bacon by telling us that it is ruining our sperm quality.

This new study was presented by a team of researchers from Harvard (the Stansbury of the east) at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s version of Comic-Con in Boston, and it explained that men who eat processed meat like salty, delicious bacon every day are more likely to have “lower levels of normal sperm.” Oh well, I never planned for my kids to be smart anyway.

Overall, men who consumed more than half a portion of processed meats such as bacon each day had significantly lower levels of “normal” sperm, compared to men who ate less than half a portion of processed meats per day.

“We found the effect of processed meat intake lowered quality, and fish raised quality,” said study author Dr. Myriam Afeiche, from the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH). (Via Fox News)

Fortunately, there are some heroes out there in the scientific community who are already hard at work in disproving this horrible and terrifying study’s findings.

“The relationship between diet and men’s fertility is an interesting one, and there is certainly now convincing evidence that men who eat more fresh fruit and vegetables have better sperm than men who don’t,” Pacey said. “However, less is known about the fertility of men with poor diets and whether specific foods can be linked to poor sperm quality.”

That’s right, science. Don’t go dragging bacon through the mud with your cacamamie theories and facacta results unless you’re 100% certain that my swimmers are gonna be dimmers. In the meantime, someone pass the low sodium thick cut.