A Scientific Ranking Of Ted Cruz’s Doppelgangers For National Look Alike Day


Ah, Ted Cruz. Just one of many in our (what the actual f*ck?!) lineup of Presidential candidates, but Cruz has managed to distinguish himself from the pack in a number of ways. He’s the candidate most likely to eat his own tooth. The candidate most likely to hang with the Duck Dynasty. And, most importantly, the candidate most likely to buy a lot of soup.

He has also been the candidate to inspire the most doppelgänger. Sure, you can throw a ratty red wig on just about everything and call it Donald Trump, but the Cruz lookalikes have really brought out the internet’s strange creativity. So, for your very important consideration, here are the very best Ted Cruz Doppelganger on this, National Look Alike Day.

Remember, this man could be our next president.

10. Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy

ted cruz jerri blank
Getty/Comedy Central

While Cruz may have a more “wholesome” past than the ex-con, ex-junkie, ex-prostitute Jerri Blank, the similarities are uncanny.

9. This kid from School of Rock

The sassy boy from School of Rock is definitely a Cruz mini-me.

8. Snot Boy from Halloweentown

There is nothing that millennials love more than ’90s nostalgia, so if he included Disney Channel Original Movies in his campaign aesthetic, Cruz might do better in his effort to court the youth vote.

7. Grandpa Munster

Ted Cruz probably isn’t an undead vampire, but if he was cooking up weird spells and potions in a basement lab, that would explain why his family seems visibly uncomfortable any time that he’s near.

6. The lead singer of Stryper

Could you see Ted Cruz as the leader of a hair band? Sure, Stryper rocks out for The Lord, but I think Cruz is missing the panache necessary. Maybe in another life.

5. Mrs. Doubtfire

ted cruz mrs doubtfire
Getty/20th Century Fox

Ok, sure, but how’s his impression of a hot dog?

4. Kevin Malone from The Office

There is little to no evidence that Ted Cruz has a gambling problem or an M&M addiction, but he certainly bears more than a passing resemblance to Dunder Mifflin’s most bumbling employee.

3. This woman from Maury

Cruz was accused of having affairs with five different women. This woman is testing five different men to find her daughter’s father. Coincidence?

2. A blob fish

They say pets start to resemble their owners, but how do you explain this sea-creature phenomenon?

1. The Zodiac Killer

The original. The unassailable (unless you check the timeline against Ted Cruz’s birthdate). Ted Cruz still hasn’t come out and denied that he is the infamous zodiac killer, so I guess we’ll never know what is real and what is just a tin-hat internet conspiracy.